The Hole That Love Built
About a year ago, I had a dream that still haunts me.
Susie was still awake, and I’d just gone to bed. I fell asleep fast—as usual—but sometime in the night, I had a nightmare that shook me to my core. When I woke up, I didn’t know what was real. I’ve heard it said—and I believe it—that if you wake up at the right moment, your body and brain can’t tell the difference between a dream and reality. That’s exactly what happened.
In the dream, Susie—my wife—was dying. She was lying in bed, clearly in pain. I was holding her hand, telling her it was okay to go. She smiled. I kissed her. And then… she was gone.
When I woke up, I couldn’t breathe. The grief was so real, so physical, it left a hole in me I didn’t know was possible. I’ve lost people close to me, but never felt anything even close to that. It wasn’t just sadness—it was like someone had taken out part of my soul.
And the craziest thing? I couldn’t explain it. Yes, Susie and I have had a wonderful marriage. We’ve been together since I was 18 and she was 16. We’ve built a life that’s full of laughter, love, trust, and joy. But still… the weight of that hole was obviously greater than all that. It didn’t make sense—until a few weeks ago.
We were catching up with a group of friends we’ve known for years. In the middle of reminiscing, someone brought up a wedding homily by a priest, who was among the group, that went off the rails. At one point, he said, “As a priest, I’m married to God and the Church… so I skipped all the misery of being married to a woman.”
Not exactly ideal for a wedding sermon—and it got a mix of nervous laughs and stunned silence—but as we were laughing about the memory, something clicked for me.
That hole I felt in my dream wasn’t just from love or from losing the good times. It was from something deeper. You see, the great moments in marriage—they lift you. They give you the mountaintops. And honestly, in our marriage, there have been a lot of those. I thank God for that.
But what gives a relationship its character… are the valleys you walk through together.
The fights you get through. The griefs you carry. The stresses and the seasons that seem hopeless. The challenges that almost break you—but don’t.
That hole I felt? It was carved by all of it. The joy and the struggle. The mountaintops and the valleys.
This is true in our marriages, our relationships, and our relationship with God.
We want the joy. The peace. The “mountaintop” moments. We need to hang on to those and remember them often. But it’s in the dry seasons, the confusing ones, the ones where all we can do is hang on—that’s where the roots grow deep. That’s where the bond is forged…with our spouses and our God.
So whether you’re struggling in a marriage, a friendship, or wrestling with God: hang in there.
Sometimes the most sacred parts of a relationship are built when you simply refuse to give up. And one day, you’ll look back and realize just how much love was being built in the hardest places.
Reflection Questions:
- Have you ever felt something real through a dream or moment of unexpected clarity?
- In your marriage or faith, what’s been built through the hard times—not just the good ones?
- Where are you being invited to stay, even when it would be easier to walk?