The First Step in Mentorship: Prayerful Reflection, Not Planning
When most of us feel called—or even just invited—into a mentoring relationship, we start making a plan.
And on the surface, that makes sense. The desire to help is good. The impulse to prepare feels wise. But what if that’s not actually the first step Jesus wants from us?
I’ll be the first to admit: I’m a planner.
I’ve spent my entire business life building strategies, setting timelines, mapping outcomes—and honestly, it’s worked. That kind of planning has led to success in a lot of areas.
So when something meaningful like mentorship comes up, my default is to make a plan.
But with Jesus? So often, those plans just fall apart.
Why Planning First Might Be the Wrong Move
As leaders, we’re problem solvers. If someone wants to meet with us, we immediately start thinking:
“What’s the issue I can help fix?”
But that approach misses the point—right from the beginning.
Mentorship isn’t about fixing. It’s not about having all the answers. And it’s definitely not about being in control.
The idea of doing something as meaningful as mentoring without a clear plan feels chaotic—at least to people like me. So we rush to regain control. We map out sessions, pick a book, sketch a schedule.
But as the saying goes, “If you want to make God laugh, show Him your plans.”
Or maybe more biblically:
“The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” — Proverbs 16:9
And here’s the deeper issue:
While we’re planning, we’re usually not listening.
In fact, the plan itself often becomes the noise. It captures our attention, distracts our hearts, and drowns out the quiet voice of the One who actually knows what’s needed most.
So What Does Prayerful Reflection Look Like?
It’s simple. But not easy.
You sit with Jesus. You listen. You ask a few honest questions:
- “Lord, is there someone You want me to walk with?”
- “Am I the right person, or should I help connect them with someone else?”
- “What part of my story might be a gift to someone else right now?”
And then… you wait.
Sometimes, God answers in silence. That doesn’t mean nothing’s happening. It may be a moment to grow your faith. It may be His way of saying, “You already know.” Or “I’m still working—on both of you.”
Jesus Modeled This First
Before Jesus chose the twelve apostles—the ones who would carry His mission to the ends of the earth—He didn’t rush. He didn’t hold a strategy session.
He prayed.
“In these days he went out to the mountain to pray, and all night he continued in prayer to God. And when day came, he called his disciples and chose from them twelve…” — Luke 6:12–13
If the Savior of the world began His mentoring relationships with extended prayer, we probably should too.
A Personal Lesson Learned the Hard Way
I remember a time when I thought I had the perfect mentoring opportunity. I was nervous about the initial conversation—it felt like it might be difficult—so I spent hours preparing. It was basically a presentation by the time I finished. I had talking points, a suggested plan, even answers to imaginary objections.
And then we sat down. There was a short, awkward silence. The other person spoke first—and in one sentence, it was crystal clear:
Now was not the right time.
That conversation was over before it began. And all my planning? Wasted. Or maybe God used it somehow, but it wasn’t needed that day.
What I really needed was prayer. Not a plan.
A few minutes of listening instead of hours of mapping things out would’ve saved me the anxiety—and helped me focus on the person in front of me.
Start with Jesus. Everything Else Follows.
The first step in mentorship isn’t choosing a book, scheduling a meeting, or figuring out what to say.
It’s prayerful reflection.
It’s letting Jesus set the tone—and the timeline.
And that’s actually why we created the online mentoring courses at Catholics Sharing Jesus. Whether it’s the Encounter Jesus series or the Principles of Life & Leadership, these tools are there to remove the noise—to free you from overplanning so you can focus on the person, the relationship, and what Jesus is doing.
So before you make a plan, take a pause.
Sit with Jesus.
Ask the questions.
Then take the next step with Him, not ahead of Him.